I broke down and added cannabis back into my life. My routine before detox was about 10 parts CBD (tinctures, candies, pills) to 1 part indica (vaped or smoked).
Last night and this morning are the first moments of comfort since detox thanks to the cannabis. Ativan and trazodone leave me with only a couple of hours sleep and then pacing discomfort for the rest of the night.
Since cannabis is legal in Massachusetts, no doubt millions will join my rage if any pharmacist does a urinalysis and denies me meds. THANK YOU MASSACHUSETTS. Cannabis is the drug of the people, and now we can talk with our money. Money is the chain in the nose of the elites and as cannabis becomes more widespread, the power of the people will increase (I hope).
My guess is that the feds will eventually legalize it. MONEY TALKS.
Meanwhile, my PCP, who is more into pain and fear (I’m probably in the residual resentment stage of my nightmare so forgive my cynicism), sent me to a dual-study MRI of my lumbar and thoracic areas. 1 hour in that tube was enough to drive me to near insanity. The only thing worse I’ve experienced in my life was chemo. People never talk about PTSD from chemo. Why? If you want to know what chemo is like, it’s like having vodka injected into your bloodstream until you’re throwing it up. Then coming back 3 weeks later to have it happen all over again four times. That was my first set of chemo.
My second set of chemo made all my nails turn black and fall off, and burnt my taste buds so that everything tasted like metal. I had 10 rounds of this one.
Radiation didn’t hurt, but its long-term effects on my body have been terrible. It feels like every part of my body hit by those beams have turned to scar tissue and are now contributing to (or the cause of) all of the problems I have today.
Anyhoo, I’m appreciating the effort my PCP is putting in to try to get me a diagnosis. (gently prodded by the stunningly in-the-present and on-the-ball psychologist in detox, surprisingly. He turned my tune about hating psychologists. Typically they’re the least people-friendly humanoids on the planet). So you see, don’t shun anything that sounds silly. You never know when that one person who will cares enough to be a turning point will step up to the plate for you.